On the Anatomy of Feeling
Not with all the words in the world can we do ourselves justice.
Not with a sentence or a talk or a video or a book can we do feelings that fill us any honorable service.
How did I get here this morning?
I couldn’t hear my thoughts.
And I try to write them and bring myself to a place of sanity (don’t worry, I’m fine, I’m sane) and all I’m given are words. Words to represent feelings when all feelings want to do is represent themselves.
How do we feel feelings, I ask?
It is a squeaking hamster wheel in the right-most pit of my stomach. A grey lump in the lower part of my throat. Elbows that wish to float. Ears that burn or sparkle. Anatomical hieroglyphics to which we try to attach words.
Things born in the body of their own volition (and under collusion with none other than our very own selves) we attempt to interpret, analyze, paste a formulaic meaning.
I don’t want to feel things sometimes (oftentimes) because my position as a writer makes this an especially burdensome task.
You see, I want to attach words to everything. I want a narrative written in my mind to account for the non-narrative events taking place throughout my body and…it is simply a thing that cannot be done.
This brings me to a wall, an impasse, between myself and myself.
And this brings us to now. To the fact that there’s not much I can do but throw some pebbles at that space where wall meets ground and turn away to walk in a different direction.
I’m feeling a little dramatic this morning, have you noticed?
I blame it on Valgeir Sigurðsson.
And can’t I?
Talk to me, leave a comment! But also, never miss a post—click on this link right here.
phtocred: photopin.com
It feels like you’re inside my head growing memories.
This is not only an amazing thing to say, it’s ridiculously beautiful. And cryptic!
I really like this one. Lexically dense, yet easy to read.
Your imagery is super effective! The way you attach words to meanings is very evocative.
Are the pebble walls self-generated?
Oh Todd, the walls are *always* self-generated. The thing is, I’m such a damn good builder!
You said very nice things that made me feel like a million bucks 🙂 Thank you.
Thanks for revealing Valgeir Sigurðsson to me.
Now I can devour him.
no problem! Yup, if that album doesn’t evoke some sort of feels for ya, you’re a robot
I can never find the words to adequately describe my feelings. There are moments where the best I can do is find someone better with words, someone like you, and wonder how it came to be you understand my own thoughts better than I do.
I know moments like those all too well. I’m glad I could be something for you when I certainly wasn’t feeling like much for myself! xo