Becoming a Writer: Sabotage or Success?

Because it’s hardly been two months since I rather abruptly decided to be a writer, I’ve been trying to drown myself in the thoughts of others that serve to remind me I shouldn’t lose hope.


Yes, what I’m doing is a bit crazy—irresponsible, even. But at this moment in my life, if I were to try anything else it would feel like self-sabotage.


Certainly I might be sabotaging myself anyway. But what is sabotage? Is it ruining your chances of professional or marital “success?”

Ruining your chances of feeling fulfilled?

Is this the physical form of success? Pshaw, thats easy!

Financial success, a happy marriage, and personal fulfillment aren’t mutually exclusive, of course. Yet achievement of those first two is empty without the third, while the third can exist just fine all on its own.

I am on a quest to feel fulfilled with the way I am and the way I spend my time.

Even if I find a career in which I’m financially successful, I will not be content if I don’t feel passion for the work. It will be a failure.

And relationships, those unsteady things? I could focus on finding a lover now or I could not, both options seem to have equal chances of either happiness or heartbreak.

So with the inherent risk of seeking solid ground using traditional paths, I’ve decided to trailblaze. It seems that no matter what I do, the odds of sabotage in some form or another are equally great.

So why not just do what feels right, right now?

I’m taking a risk of career failure and romantic sabotage because I need to feel like I am following a path that will make me happy if I stay independent of others.

There is no room for me to lie to myself: this can only be an inside job.

Only when I’m close can I bring in others for backup.

man jumping spread eagle over a big river ravine

I need to know that I can do it on my own, and even if I fail, that I did it all on my own.

I want every step to be measured, every landing to be my own…

Even if I land in shit.



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