I want to sit down to write. I have things to write. But man y’all, I scrolled through my facebook feed this morning.

It’s bad out there.

I mean, I guess if I’m doing this I have sat down to write…but it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel write.

How are we supposed go about our days as normal when literal insanity sits with the power in our government?

How can I write a post about meditation when my mind and body feel completely taken over by this undercurrent of anxiety toward the dark swath of unfolding space that is our future? My future was already unpredictable enough, thank you very much.

This morning I found one small thing I could do: Delete my Uber account. And true: it’s a small, small, and probably overall insignificant thing, but it felt great.

Like many of you, I am having a lot of trouble processing the helplessness I feel. I want to sit and cry and have a pity party for myself, but I know that that is useless.

We’ve awakened the dragon.

We know it’s headed to our town. If we run, we leave our loved ones behind. If we fight, we risk our lives. If we hide or do nothing, we abandon those who stand. And no matter what we do, what if that dragon just swoops up, lights a casual mouth fire and proves to us that no option would have mattered any way?

That we’re all just fucked?

My life has usually been such that I can more or less live with an arm stretched out, buffering myself from the ways politics sets out to affect me. That is not an option now.

My Muslim best friend, his immigrant family, and his beautiful newly-born daughter do not deserve the fear they must be living with.

Women (such as myself) do not deserve the fear of having autonomy over their reproductive rights taken away.

Parents do not deserve the fear of their children growing up with broken education in a broken America.

I could go on, obviously.

This is just not America. I keep thinking that.

This is not America.

Songs from Hamilton keep visiting my mind. It’s no coincidence that this musical about America’s foundation has swept the world right as it began turning upside down.

Sometimes the music helps, even if you’re not a nerd…

“And? If we win our independence? Is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood we shed begin an endless cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?“

And damn, I am so privileged. I’m a white female from a middle class family and I’m looking out at the snow-capped mountains receding from a desert expanse right now and I feel like trash because I am not doing more.

Despite that, I am going to continue with my day. I’ll remind myself of all the friends who are taking a stand when I never would have expected it of them. I’ll try to feel hopeful and inspired because of it.

I’ll try not to think of the friends and family who are curiously silent.

Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

This is a battle. There are no fronts, no hard lines to speak of. We are scattered seeds across the expanse of America and one thing we can do is plant ourselves solidly and grow, grow, grow.

Grow in faith, grow in opposition, grow in volume.

Let us all grow, doing one thing every day to resist the darkness that threatens to overtake the hope upon which this country was formed.

Growing and growing, perhaps we’ll reach upwards, spreading a canopy so lush and encompassing that by our united coverage, perhaps we can overtake the shadow.

One thing every day.

Delete Uber. Get on this call tonight (Monday 1/30). Act locally. Watch this on what you can do. Post something to Facebook (yes, there’s a flood out there, but maybe you can influence someone on the fence). Check out this list of 99 things you can do. Talk to your senators and reps.  

SHOW UP.

Just make yourself known. You may be a drop of water, but drops make an ocean, baby.

And now….leave a comment!  Vent. Get it out. I’m listening and  made stronger by your voice. We all are.

Keep the faith!

photocred: photopin.com